Writer's Journal #12

What stands out to me most about my revisions that I need to do is the fact that although I write a lot in my essay, it seems that there are still some parts missing. I make my “analysis” more factual and therefore it is hardly an analysis at all. I need to write more about the concepts we learned earlier like space and place. This would a little more density to my second to las paragraph as well as my conclusion. I could explore more about how the Facebook Messenger app is inclusive and more about how it is exclusive to certain individuals.

Steps to Revision:

1. Check all spelling and grammar errors

2. Fix up my conclusion to make it summarize as well as denser

3. Expand on the 3rd paragraph. Give more detail about how different age groups would use different parts of Messenger and maybe throw in a pandemic reference to help drive home how accessible and potentially helpful the app is to people

4. Perhaps talk about how the app could be an invasion of personal space and that’s why I don’t like it as much in regards to people seeing when you read the message

5. GIF is capitalized

6. Change around the sentences to show when I am talking about communication and then add the money transaction part at the end maybe?

7. Find multimodal and cite it

I think the essay is good overall but it needs some minor tweaks. Make sure to find good images or videos to add to the essay.